It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
