i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
