you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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