I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
