Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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