All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
