Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Can you bring me the toilet please
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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