Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize