Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
