no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
