hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
