Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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