His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
