you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
