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I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
And then he peed in my hair
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