is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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