i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
