I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
