When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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