I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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