you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
