i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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