This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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