you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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