you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize