so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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