My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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