I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize