I want to walk on stilts...naked
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
