Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
