I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
