I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
