I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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