Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
