i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
