you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
