He asked to "fluff my boner.."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
