What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude i'm inner monologue high
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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