it's too hot outside to masturbate.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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