We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize