sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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