You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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