you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
