dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just google imaged poop.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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