Need sex. Gaining weight.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
