and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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