my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
