Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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