I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
