Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
