Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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