piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
