Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize