shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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