3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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