We're facebook friends in real life
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
