if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
