Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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