I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
