There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
