I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
