So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
