did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
