i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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