Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
