The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
50% drunk capacity currently
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
