Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize