omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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