You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
