new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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