I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She has the best kind of daddy issues
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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