Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Randomize
