Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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