Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
