she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
