Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
